WE DESERVE WHO WE VOTE FOR

The picture above is our country's first ever senate assembly with real honorable senators in attendance. Today, with a number of senators gearing up to evolve into presidential timber status but making a mockery of the elected positions they now occupy, mud-slinging, silly antics and all just to gain media mileage in preparation for the 2010 presidential race, one senator will probably still get my vote if and when he runs for president, except for the unfortunate and inescapable reality that his present girlfriend of old could be first lady if and when he wins - for a spouse must be gracious, likeable, well-mannered and humble in all her achievements in life. She definitely has "K," for 'kapal.' I am pertaining to Mr. Palengke himself, Senator Mar Roxas whose organization recruited me in 2004 to head his media bureau when he first ran for the Senate, up until some baduy and bad advertising advertising agency got in the picture and grabbed all the credit. Mar won hands down and even topped that contest. I must admit that I was quite impressed with Mar's data infobank, a rich compilation of anything and everything one needs to know about the Philippines top to bottom. A tolerable Atenista, as I always used to joke about him, Mar has the lineage and the pedigree needed to add honor to such a high position he could someday occupy. Mar has in his genes the intellectual prowess of his father, the late Senator Gerry Roxas, and of course his equally brilliant and compleat grandfather President Manuel Acuna Roxas. On his maternal side, he certainly has the charm and class of his mother, Judy Araneta Roxas. And how can I forget the spunk and boldness of his late brother Dinggoy? I heard he is also doing a good job these days as a single parent. As I do get to observe his performance in the Senate, I can't help but compare him with the others, but how do you compare him with Senator Lito Lapid who I suspect always has a brain-freeze seizure each time he's on the Senate floor or simply in attendance? One other lady senator I do admire, contrary to what many of her critics say is Jamby Madrigal. She has cojones! Balls which other senators do not have. Other than the fact that I adore her for raising wonderful Whippets of which I happen to be an indirect recipient of a darling one (used to be two), is the fact that she really does her homework and goes straight down to serious business during the senate deliberations. Whatever her critics say of her, she would make a great graft-buster and guardian of the people's rights. It's really not her fault if she was born wealthy. I'd pick her anytime of the day compared with other senators who simply want to finish their respective terms rich. Mar and Jamby's family have a long-standing friendship with my family which started from our grandfathers. When Mar speaks, everyone listens. When Jamby speaks, everyone is all ears. But when Lito Lapid speaks, everyone is in disbelief and are instantly reminded that he still breathes. If Mar plays his cards right, he could be our president someday. Other blabber-mouths like Dick Gordon are better off just being head of the Philippine National Red Cross (PNRC), and are better off selling dinuguan on the side at the the perimeter fences of the SBMA (Subic). Chiz Escudero should team up with Manny Pacquiao in 2010 for a president/vice-president tandem and their slogan should be, "Vote Champ with Chiz!" Jinggoy is terrible as committee chair. He should do his homework and lose some weight lest he be our local version of Bibendum, the love-handled or 'bil-bil' mascot of Michelin Tires. Biazon is still his usual tackless and ill-mannered soldier self. I remember one senate hearing where he was grilling a witness invited to appear before the committee whose surname was Pone (pronounced Pon-ye). As Biazon was asking straight questions to the gentleman, he shifted to ask, "are you sure walang 'TA' ang apelyido mo sa huli?" It only shows the kind of ill-bred and stinky-mannered senator we voted in office. Never again, given the chance. He should go back to the barracks. Bong Revilla is probably tired-bored these days counting lizards on the senate ceilings, and sweating it out trying to finish his 'four-letter word only' crossword puzzle. This is one guy who to this day still doesn't know if he's a mediocre senator or a joker actor. And speaking of Joker, how can one ignore Joker Arroyo and his campaign slogan, "pag bad ka, lagot ka!" I think because of his senile stage, he has now confused the word "bad" with "good." And tell me honestly, how serious can you take a senator whose first name is Joker? What were his parents thinking when he was christened? Were they playing cards? But okay, I confess, I'd probably pick his first name any time of the day instead of his last, being a namesake of the illegal occupant in Malacanang, now linked to corruption and illegitimacy since day one of her term. Of course with Manny Villar, whose campaign slogan "sipag at tiyaga," has now been changed without his approval to "C-5 at taga!" due to alleged illegal insertions that benefited his real estate companies. He should also change his surname from Villar to Bilyar. After all, he is now the top patron of pocket billiards in the Philippines having recently sponsored a successful billiards tournament aptly called the 'Villar Cup.' Ping Lacson is his own attack-dog except for his pretty looks on billboards on our main thoroughfares. His PR consultant should advice him to stop endorsing beauty and health products. It makes one wonder if he belongs to the third sex, and people might start calling him Pingky Lacson. Miriam Defensor-Santiago will definitely not be given any chance to endorse any beauty product on billboards, unless of course MGM Pictures puts her face along EDSA to promote their forthcoming blockbuster film entitled, "Godzilla in Manila." Kiko Pangilinan is our perpetual senator who still hides behind Sharon Cuneta's Super Ferry-sized skirts, thumbsucking and all, wearing a UP Centennial boxer shorts. The pseudonym Kiko Cuneta has a nice ring to it though. Migs Zubiri and his Jathropa are gaining momentum but as usual, he's all biogas! Loren Legarda has the reputation of having planted more billboards than trees, and the hostess with the mostest husbands, having shifted to Islam, so I heard. And how can one forget Johnny Enrile who at 85 still looks very good. Of course, one can never forget his admission to a fake ambush done on him once upon a time, and the padding of votes for Marcos in his Cagayan Province. And how about Nene Pimentel? Some pharmaceutical company should get him as their honorable guinea pig to experiment on the causes of eye bags in adolescents up to old age, for pretty soon he may have to check in his eyebags at the airport next time he travels. Pia Cayetano is Alan Peter with long hair as Alan Peter is Pia with short hair. They both magnify the second and third syllables of the word 'dynasty.' As for Sonny Trillanes, well, he still has to set foot in the senate not armed but charmed. He should remind General Esperon that next time he takes his tank for a drive in the Manila Peninsula - literally, that the hotel has a basement parking and valet service as well. Duh! But seriously, I think that a popular individual with a celebrity status should be more careful not to be easily lured into seeking public office, especially if the same knows he will not be of good use at all. They should emulate the great Dolphy, when asked if he was running for national public office to which he simply replied, "e paano kung manalo?" Look at the wasted and inutile positions of the onerous Bong Revilla and Lito Lapid and the elected office they occupy, including their PhP200 million plus each year budget. A senator's office is an ultra-serious responsibility and undertaking. For unlike the congressman who has a direct constituency, a senator virtually has none, meaning that the entire citizenry is his constituency and must at all times exercise sound statesmanship. The senate floor is sacred ground and on it are the invisible footprints and imprints of our senators of old who have protected its sanctity and pureness in the noble duty of legislating sound laws for our land. It is not and should never be an extension of a vaudeville stage or of some extended TV studio of a major network showing idiotic noontime shows like 'Wowowee' with its equally idiotic host. Now I know why I can never complete the senatorial list on my ballot every election day.

(Image from http://www.pcij.org/)

DEWEY DEE AND THE BANK SCANDAL OF '81

The present day tragedy hitting banks globally due to the economic crash of this era is a result of man's greed for more wealth. It is also the manner in which he acquires them regardless of the ripples he creates ending later as a juggernaut-tsunami. A walking bottomless pit, unmindful of the imminent repercussions. In 1981, a bank scandal rocked the financial community in Manila because of one single greedy banker. His name was Dewey Dee, a Chinese-Filipino whose clan was prominent in the local business circles, proprietor of the Continental Manufacturing Corporation (CMC) which powerfully controlled around 85 percent of the acrylic yarn trade for export, and a banking entrepreneur who was labeled as one gifted with financial banking prowess and genius. He would go on to prove them all right soon after, but in a sinister fashion. In 1980, a bank in Manila, the Security Bank and Trust Company (SBTC) was acquired by nameless Chinoy investors led by Dee and two other Chinoys namely Philip Ang and Ramon Siy. The chair of the bank was a certain Rolando Gapud. One such other stockholder was the more famous Jose Y. Campos. Sometime in March of the same year, a firm in the U.S. Virgin Islands under the name Empire Holdings Inc. purchased a modest bank in San Francisco, California for some US$ 15.3 million, a very huge amount during that time. Well, it still is even today. That bank was the Redwood Bank. Empire Holdings had three wealthy shareholders - Dee, Ang and Siy, while Gapud served as director of Redwood Bank. By January 1981, Dee had vanished in thin air. Some believed he amassed gambling debts in Macau and in Las Vegas amounting in several millions of dollars. He participated in the commodities game and in stocks in Hong Kong, but didn't succeed, and when he fled the Philippines (0n board PAL flight #81?), it was estimated that he left behind debts to the tune of PhP635 million (US$ 84.7 million was its equivalent then). The Chinese community was shocked and rocked with shame because of this, and it was a public relations nightmare as well for many of them in the banking sector, for Chinoy credibility was instantly dead as a doornail. The local banking community was in a state of paralysis and comatose. Then, like a toxic mushroom sprouting one sunny summer morning, Dee resurfaced somewhere in Canada in 1983 while applying for an immigrant visa. This was the largest if not one of the largest financial scandals in the Philippine banking industry and history, causing a severe crisis in our banking system, pushing our banks' panic buttons. Credit was even squeezed tighter and the roll-over of all loans were put to a halt. I wonder, is Dewey Dee related to our present-day certified GMA "sip-sip" Donald Dee of the PCCI and SSS, whose canine closeness to her, being a mother dog herself, reaped many business favors for him? If he is, then we should keep a close watch on himself as well. Today, as banks and financial hubs worldwide are wheeled in the ICU on a daily basis brought about by traces of their own versions of Dewey Dee - greedy and dangerous to the banking community, and with grossly over-compensated bank CEOs having the time of their lives on board private yachts and steamy spas with millions stashed away in their private vaults, one really wonders of a safe place to keep one's wealth, however humble and hard-earned. I'm glad I don't have that immediate concern, and I think it's really one of the rare advantages of being cash-broke, just putting my money in my now emaciated piggy bank. I remember one of my father's philosophy regarding this when he once told me, "When you make that final journey home, the less gold you carry, the lighter the trip will be."

(Image from http://daylife.com//)

PROSPERITY WITH A DARK PURPOSE - PART III
"He doeth everything immoral and staggereth like a drunkard, slipping on his own vomit." - Isaiah 19:14

Drunkenness is a serious social, health, moral and credibility problem. It breaks up families, it ruins careers, it destroys bodies and it tears friendships apart. Sometimes, it even cuts short a person's life. Today, many Christians conclude that moderation is good - but abstinence is much better, especially in view of the clear dangers inherent in drunkenness. Alcohol is a mind-altering drug that if taken frequently and repeatedly can be psychologically and physically addicting. Drinking may fall into the category of an act that is permissible, as evidenced by some church leaders, but certainly not beneficial. If questionable behavior such as drinking alcoholic beverages (like San Miguel Beer, Lites included) controls the drinker, hurts the body, numbs sensation, dulls the mind, makes one susceptible to immorality and other sins, causes harm to other people, or makes another believer stumble and fall, then such practices should be avoided and abandoned. Most times, believers, and most especially pastors and church leaders must choose to use self-restraint because this will be for the good and growth of the church. However, there are times when a pastor thinks he is indispensable, incorruptible, indisputable and unpenetrable. Instead, he goes on to penetrate other people's lives - literally and figuratively. I just had an interesting meeting with my friend who, again, had quite a mouthful to share, including the story of a helpless 15-year old girl our subject wolf molested some years back, and the equally disturbing story of a 17-year old female food attendant this drooling dog preyed on. I am told by my friend that this girl could be coming out in the open soon to tell all, and consecutively other victims as well. But that, among others more will be for future dark prosperity series. Several weeks ago, before our subject wolf was relieved from the church he prostituted, he haphazardly started a 'weekly singles meeting' aimed to tackle the usual expectations of a normal youung single adult. This sounds perfectly fine except for the fact that he had originally planned this to cater only for the young female single members of the church. The reason? He wanted to share some 'secrets' to these lasses for them to learn to deal with pressures from their boyfriends. What a perverted intention. I think this is clearly a sinister way to 'round up the sheep' and 'check them out' to see who among them would make it in his little book under the entry 'future victims.' That's why I have always believed that as real as Moslems have one God and three wives, Christians on the other hand must have three Gods (Father God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, all three in one) and only one wife. My friend goes on to share something that was a major turn-off for me. Subject wolf's original plan concerning church membership, if he had it his own way, would only be for a select group of people who would pass his criteria in economic status, financial soundness, etc. In short, if you're poor, his church doors are only a few centimeters open, thus making it impossible for you to enter, but only for your head to take a quick peek. On the other hand, if you're rich, then the doors are wide open exclusively for you with a matching red carpet and rose petals scattered all over to make you feel instantly welcome. This clearly fits perfectly with his self-serving cultish ideology that prosperity is simply just all about money and material wealth, such as numerous bank accounts, a big house (but not a home), and the latest gas-guzzling Euro-Am imports. The other blessings like a healthy body, long life, sober children (not drug addicts), a happy marriage, a good night's sleep and true friends who remind you when you're over-sinning are only secondary. Meaning, to be truly favored by the Almighty, "you need to be prosperous and rich and materially endowed, otherwise, it would be impossible for you to help others in need if you too are in lack." Now, can't the poor help the fellow-poor in several other ways besides financial dole-outs? What happens now to good deeds and neighborly love? Is this all about just money now? Yes, sad to say it is for him. He would rather rub elbows with the powerful and the wealthy instead of the unwashed and the inadequate. But not even God would be in his shoes! For in God's church, the doors are wide open 24/7 for all who wish to enter - especially the poor and the lost. In fact, not everybody is called to be rich and prosperous, otherwise, what need does man have for God if he has everything on Earth? The poor are still closest to God's pure heart, but the false teachers are somewhere under His feet. When prosperity has a dark purpose, it does not wish to know anything about God's law intended to be engraved in the hearts of all men. It does not listen to the voice of conscience and it turns against humanity and society, and to God as well. Now, on the subject matter, and if there is anyone I put my trust next only to God in all its true meaning, I put that on my grandfather, the late Jorge Bocobo, church-builder, moral crusader and author of the Civil Code of the Philippines and the entire brown race, who fervently said in one of his lay sermons, "True prosperity is worthy of honor and respect. It is living out God's will for your life....It should measure success not in terms of lands, houses, material wealth and a large bank account, but by helpfulness to others, by having rendered service to the poor, by having stood for righteousness at any cost. It fights wrong and oppression in every form." Here, he speaks of the noble and inherent character of prosperity, perhaps knowing that a few decades after, some egotistical pretender would be preaching on the other kind of prosperity - the ersatz and shallow kind he subscribes to. Well, for me, I believe that drunkenness and sexual immorality are a perpetual pair. Somewhat like a Tom and Jerry duo. One makes it easier for the other to accomplish its dark intentions. Or perhaps like the caped crusaders Batman and Robin? But our guy has no cape but a hood to conceal his true identity, a seasoned con-artist, and the best solution to this is to gag him for good, lest he misleads a multitude again to eternal damnation. Let all those concerned with this guy's well-being defend him and find solace and comfort with each other, contradicting all accusations hurled at their boy and finding them preposterous, "exaggerated and unfounded," for after all, even a felon has every right to a counsel - wise or otherwise. Remember cult leader Jim Jones and his People's Temple in Jonestown, Guyana, when after he was convinced by his dark intentions that he had a good number of blind followers who would do absolutely anything he would tell them to do? Well, that's exactly what he did soon after. The day came for him to put their fanaticism to the test, and after delivering what would be his last sermon, instructed his accomplices to distribute to everyone Dixie cups containing Kool-Aid mixed with Cyanide. He told them it was poison and that it was time for all of them, himself included to "move on to the afterlife." And soon after he gave the signal for all to drink the contents in their respective cups, close to a thousand of his fanatics (many children) were all dead in an hour. Jim Jones may be long gone, but our anonymous 'John Doe' is alive and well somewhere in Metro Manila on the prowl to recruit his own set of fanatics. Just a word of caution: next time he offers you a violet-colored drink from a styro cup in a "happy fastfood outlet," make sure it's just plain old grape juice, and not the same liquid Jim Jones concocted for his fanatics. It's really sad to know that there are still individuals who are trapped in his net but have also chosen to stay in that same place somewhat comfortably. Individuals who would rather look blindly at the preacher of the Word and would refuse to see clearly the wrongdoings of the latter, and would not do anything to correct them, for when sin is not followed by repentance, it will surely be followed by judgment. I challenge them now to look clearly at the Author of the Word instead of the preacher of the Word. Believe me, it's good medicine from God and not from some vacuous and temporary relief from an 'albularyo' pretending to be a man of God. May the very same God deliver us from the cowardice that dare not face new truths, from the laziness that is content with half-truths, and from the arrogance that thinks it knows all truth.

(Image from http://www.snreview.org/)

PET PEEVES 1

A pet peeve is a minor annoyance that can instill great frustration in an individual. At worse, it can wreck his day. The picture above is a perfect example of a daily occuring pet peeve of practically anyone. See how that huge SUV is unevenly parked, and in a slot specifically just for compacts? The term originated from the word 'peeve'. Pet peeves involve complaints about specific behaviors, rather than general dissatisfaction. Pet peeves often involve people around you, and may be about manners, disregard to other people's rights, or just simple annoying behavior. UNDERTOW posts its list of pet peeves (starting today) based on a first-hand account of daily life in the urban jungle of Metro Manila.

My top 10 pet peeves for this post are as follows:

1. Motorcycle escort cops who bully and weave their way past you. (Where's a banana peel when you need one?)
2. Ambulance chasers (Literally, and the next vehicle tailgating a speeding ambulance. (If he's already dead, what's the rush then?)
3. Slow-moving, time-wasting Mercury Drug counter sales people. (Please hurry and stop gossiping! I'm having a coronary!)
4. McDonald's and Jollibee counter girls who rudely interrupt you while you're still ordering your food. ("Large Coke and fries for that?" "No, just a small mouth and make it quick please!")
5. Real-estate agents who block your path as they hand you their company brochure. (Which is really their subtle way of telling you to please throw the brochure for them in the nearest garbage bin.)
6. MRT passengers who idiotically insist on boarding before allowing disembarking passengers to do just that. ("Step aside, salmon face!")
7. Mall security guards who poke your bag with a chopstick. ("I have a bomb, but your stick can't detect it.")
8. People who brush their teeth and wash their plates and utensils (spoon and fork) inside a public restroom. (While you're at it, please wash your face in the toilet bowl.)
9. Underbone motorcyclists who play loud music on the road and wear their crash helmets halfway in. (Deaf and dumb riders!)
10. Jeepney and bus passengers who smoke cigarets while on board with you. ("Hey buddy, second-hand smoke can kill ..... you!")

(Image from http://nextautos.com/)

MISSING THE MEHAN

Shortly after I had left the Office of the Press Secretary under Secretary Rod Reyes to return to the private sector, I received a personal invitation from then Congressman Heherson 'Sonny' Alvarez to join him at the DENR after himself having been invited by 'newly-installed' President Gloria Arroyo to join her cabinet as Secretary of the Department of Environment and Natural Resources (DENR). There, I was appointed by Sonny to run the DENR's Public Affairs Office (PAO) and work hand in hand with career government employees numbering around 60 in that department alone. This was quite a positive challenge for me, having worked with a much smaller staff at the OPS. After some time, Secretary Alvarez faced a tough battle with his opponents during the hearings of the powerful Senate Committee on Appointments because he had allegedly stepped on big toes both in the private sector and in government. In one such occasion as in several others, the department was on a head-on collision with then Manila Mayor Lito Atienza who had positioned himself to tear down the historical Mehan Garden, probably a favorite 'pasyalan' of our grandparents during their time. The purpose for this was to give way for the proposed (and approved) construction of a multi-level parking complex and to give way for the construction of a new home for the City Colleges of Manila (CCM). Of course, this immediately confirmed reports that Mayor Atienza was more concerned with the 'economic aspect' of the city rather than its historical character by preserving its parks and monuments. One also remembers how the equally old art-deco Jai-Alai building on Taft Avenue was torn down unremorsefully in the name of 'urban development.' Atienza was an overnight enemy of environmentalists and conservationists. This after repeated calls by no less that the National Historical Institute (NHI) to preserve important historical landmarks in our country - Atienza's Manila included. But as expected, all such appeals fell on the latter's coin-clogged ears. Well, now that the table is turned, and he now heads the very same department he once ignored and ridiculed, I wonder what he feels now that a huge chunk of the DENR's programs are geared towards 'green projects' and clamp down on too much urbanization of an already urban environment such as Manic Manila, and preserve whatever historical landmarks there are in existence? Trees aren't anymore going to grow on concrete. The murdered centuries-old trees on the murdered memories-filled Mehan Garden are gone forever. There we only now see smoke-emitting jeepneys and pedicabs, buses and taxicabs. Thanks to Lito Atienza's cross-eyed (as in doble kita) vision of Manila, a city that was better off without him. A 'friend of the environment' who acts just like its enemy.

(Image from http://tornandfrayed.typepad.com/)

MANNY VILLAR'S ALLEGED "INSERTION"

I just got word that Senate President Manny Villar just changed his campaign slogan 'Sipag at Tiyaga. The new slogan he is reportedly planning to use for his 2010 presidential bid will be 'C-5 at TAGA !'

(Image from http://pcij.org/)

"10-4 GOOD BUDDY, WHAT'S YOUR 20?"

I belong to the era of the CB radio, that typical American trucker's communications contraption originally meant for his 'rig.' Long before the advent of the mobile cellular phone, the CB radio was king. Pinoys marveled at the technology put into it and it was an overnight hit. Everywhere one went, cars with mounted antennas or "ears" were a common sight on the road. Of these, the most popular brand names were the K-40, Moonraker, Hokushin, Firestick and the ever dependable bullwhip. CB radios varied in brand name, size, capacity in channels and style. The more affordable ones then were the General Electric (GE) units with a basic capacity of 40 channels. Not to be outdone, homeowners equipped their abodes with CBs with matching antennas on their roofs. The more popular ones were the astro-plane type, the Moonraker and the directional "yagui" type. CB clubs and organizations were sprouting like mobile mushrooms then. This brought about the birth of the civic group, some spuriously created to gain access to law enforcement units and the capricious desire to be "deputized" by the police or the military, for obvious reasons. The CB airwaves were screaming with tireless conversations of almost anything under the hot sun, not to mention the frequent "eyeball" with your "good buddies." The 10-code was the linguae francae of the CB enthusiast. The CB was also the Pinoy's 'other tool' of communication because PLDT connections then were difficult to get. We used it both for business and for pleasure, and some for sinister purposes. Soon after the fad faded came the pager courtesy of Pocketbell, EasyCall, Beeper 150 etc. A gadget made originally for doctors was now being used by anyone on the street. But there was just one problem - one-way communication. A pager subscriber was only at the receiving end and still had to run to a telephone to reciprocate. And then, like a ray of sunshine - the mobile cellular telephone! The cellphone changed everyone's lifestyle in just a short time. It made our world smaller, it made our businesses more dynamic, and made cheating husbands more careful, and doubting wives more suspicious, especially if the husband brings his cellphone with him even in the toilet. It added much stress to our daily lives. These days, people would skip a meal just to 'buy load.' Mobile communication now is key to our progress. The days of the cellphone as a luxury item are a thing of the past. Even a lowly 'basurero' owns a Nokia and our 'kasambahay' probably owns a Samsung camera phone. Not to be outdone, our local gardeners who work in cemeteries and take care of our dearly-departed's 'puntod' or 'nitso' surely own a cellphone each. The only problem they encounter each day is that they're always in a "dead spot." As of this writing, Pinoys send a whopping average of 500 million text messages daily, which is probably the reason why we are technically the text capital of the world. Smart Communications has a subscriber base of roughly 19 million, while Globe Telecom has about 17.5 million subscribers. Translate that into their daily profit, and that's why their tri-media ads are the biggest in cost and in diversity, thanks to the Pinoys' number one pastime - texting. I am reminded of a friend who had this bad habit of texting while driving, so he finally kicked the bad habit of driving. Enough said.

(Image from http://radioproshop.com/)

PROSPERITY WITH A DARK PURPOSE - PART II
"Can a man taketh fire in his bosom, and his cover not be burned?" - Proverbs 6:27

After reading the first part of this post, my friend sent me an e-mail to tell me that this was only the tip of the iceberg. He goes on to write that subject wolf continues to this day to recruit people into joining a new group he is forming somewhere in Mandaluyong City. This sounds perfectly alright except for the fact that these 'draftees' of his are members of the church he once was pastoring and used as his private playground. A sanctuary (as in a holy place of worship) where he changed its whole essence and purpose to now mean a wildlife sanctuary where he can go hunting, or shall I say poaching? Now that's a big no-no. By all means, he is perfectly free to go out fishing and hope and pray for a bountiful catch, or shall I say catch a 'big fish' as in a wealthy whale, a bejeweled bass, a moneyed maliputo, or literally a goldfish? But it is traditional taboo to go fishing right in your neighbor's very own fishpond especially if you don't have the required license to fish (or a license to solemnize a wedding?) You see, my friend added further that while this guy solemnizes weddings even without the needed license to do so, he is dead serious in 'un-solemnizing' his own by threatening to annul his own marriage. As fate would have it, in one of the meetings he was recently conducting, and during the question and answer portion of the same, one female attendee rose to ask, "Is annulment Godly?" Subject wolf was caught unprepared by the question and nervously uttered, "aah...uhm...well, let's ask our lawyer right here in the audience about that..." to which she continued to repeat her question by adding, "No, I'm not asking you if it's legal. I'm asking you if it's Godly." Bingo! Well, at the start of the day (or end of the day depending if he's having a hang-over), this fraudulent fisherman goes to his favorite fastfood joint to take advantage of a free internet connection to chat with his prey and then invites people to take a peek in his friendster account and join in. As I know it, persons over a certain age shouldn't be creating friendster accounts any longer, unless of course one has a dark purpose in doing so. Some kind soul should e-mail Republican Vice-Presidential candidate and Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and tell her of the existence of a lone wolf on the prowl right here in Metro Manila thousands of miles away from her big state. You see, Governor Palin is a staunch supporter and advocate for the 'controlled population' of wolves in Alaska. She says that that state law which she signed as Governor permits certain individuals to pull out their Remington rifles and shoot those wild wolves dead on their tracks. The reason? To give way for the multiplication in number of Alaska's Caribou and Moose, a wolf's favorite 'to-go' meal. Back here at home, a wounded moose is still fair game to our local wolf, somewhat resembling that of an 'askal jackal.' For the deeper the wound, the easier the kill. Talk about responsible sportsmanship and wildlife conservation! My friend has also been hounded not by wolves, but by incessant suggestions to forgive now whoever has blood in his hands, or in this case, beer and lingerie in his hands. He says that's not a problem really, except for the fact that he finds it quite difficult to forgive someone who doesn't ask for forgiveness and instead puts on a cloak of arrogance, defiance and back-stabbing to all who have gone against his grain so to speak. It's quite hard to stop one's scheming self from sweet-talking and recruiting people into joining an organization, especially if that person's orientation and mindset is a simple money-making design in the business of networking, which is really where he rightfully belongs. ("With their words they showeth much love, but their hearts goeth after their own covetousness." - Ezekiel 33:31). Church leaders should not and should never be treated as "clients," as I was told he openly likes to treat them, even suggesting other church members to do the same. His favorite prey are the nouveau-riche and the parvenu types. I think he often or intentionally confuses a business firm from a church. Church leaders who submit themselves to the dark authority of a man like him will have to account for their actions or inactions to God in due time. To me, it really is no different from allowing a shepherd with a crooked staff to lead his trusting sheep into a waiting ravine. In the hoodwinking, networking world, you're just another client to retain with his 'talk.' Problem is, he doesn't walk the talk, and sooner than later, his audience walks out on him disgusted, disappointed and cheated. And if he continues committing his pet sins, they walk all over him, and then he reacts sour-grapingly, rejecting correction and disciplinary action befitting his behavior with disbelief in one hand, and a threat to sue on the other hand. You see, my friend says that it really is all up to him now. If he sweeps this under the rug again to join his clutter collection of old, it will catch up on him again someday. It will never be resolved until he decides to walk too - towards the light. But the sweetest sins are always committed in the dark, and that explains why everywhere he goes, his larger-than-life shadow follows him. Problem is, that same shadow is not caused by the faint presence of light in front of him, but by the overwhelming presence of darkness right behind him.

(Image from: http://www.miettyart.com/)

LONG LOST COUSINS?

Our friend Bono Adaza says that Senator Nene Pimentel is related to the late General Fabian Ver, AFP Chief of Staff under former President Ferdinand Marcos. Bono claims that Pimentel's mother comes from Batac, Ilocos Norte, Marcos' hometown and belongs to the Quilingquing family of that town. Now that explains why both gents somewhat look alike, wouldn't you agree?

(Image from http://bulatlat.com/ & http://members.aol.com/)

DRIVE DEFEN-SORELY!

The South Luzon Expressway (SLEx) under the watch of Maite Defensor of the Philippine National Construction Corporation (PNCC), (sister of Nickel-odious Mike Defensor) is in a mess. Talk about poor management. Motorists living in the south of Manila have to face this hell every single day upon reaching the Alabang overpass, as they drive or commute to work, and then return back to their homes. The engineering work is at a snail's pace and there aren't enough safety signs to warn drivers ahead of time of an impending obstruction. In short, when you're driving along the SLEx, drive at your own risk and make sure you say your prayers because you might just be an added entry in the PNCC/SLEx management's statistics on vehicular accidents occuring every single day and night due to their negligence and unsafe work habits, not to mention the astronomical toll fees each motorist has to cough up for 'safe passage' (kuno). It's plain and simple highway robbery, literally.

(Image from http://img182.imageshack.us)

THE REPUBLIC OF ILOKOSLOVAKIA

The Republic of Ilokoslovakia may someday soon become a reality. Ilocano leaders possibly led by Ferdinand 'Bongbong' Marcos Jr., Luis 'Chavit' Singson and Roque 'Roquito' Ablan Jr. are reported readying a manifesto for the creation of an Autonomous Ilocos Region (AIR) composed of Ilocos Norte, Ilocos Sur, La Union, Pangasinan and some other Ilocano provinces. One of its genuine ilocano (GI) leaders said that "if Mindanao and the Cordilleras can gain autonomy, there is no reason why we cannot do the same." And no, their flag will not depict a hammer and tobacco right next to a cup of bagoong and their clenched-fist salute does not mean they are holding tight to their pesos. At the rate our country is being dismembered, we will soon be a nation of dinuguan. Uh-oh, another MOA in the making?

(Image from http://freewebs.com/)

MANNY, MANNY, MANNY = MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!

The Games and Amusements Board (GAB) under the Office of the President (OP) has issued a joint statement on the forthcoming Pacquiao - de la Joya fight. it said that the boxing match could be a serious disadvantage for Pacquiao because of de la Joya's height and reach advantage, the latter being a bigger boxer. In essence, what the GAB was saying was that Pacquiao and his organizers should back out from this scheduled fight because Pacquiao could be seriously hurt from it. Manny's mindless fanatics led by sports commentators Ronnie Nathanielzs and Recah Trinidad and the equally self-serving Monico Puentevella of Bacolod were quick on the draw to claim that the GAB has absolutely no jurisdiction over the matter, and since the match is scheduled to take place outside the country. True, but methinks that when it comes to the safety and well-being of an athlete, especially if he/she is declared a "national treasure," jurisdiction and greed must be set aside for the meantime and for good respectively. But bogus Filipinos like Nathanielzs even said yesterday over DZBB and I quote: "Who is going to give Pacquiao $20 million for his family?" Say that again Ronnie? When is enough money enough then? Manny Pacquiao is already a walking Money Pakyaw! It sure all boils down now to plain and simple greed huh. Easy for you to say that because it ain't your thick face that's gonna get those punches, although many of us wish it was. Money, money, money. That's all you guys ever think of. Shame, shame, shame. In addition, Pacquiao has reiterated his lust for an elective position (again) possibly in 2010. Calling Darlene Antonino-Custodio, time to teach Manny a humbling lesson again, and while you're at it, could you please knock the teeth off from all his attack-dogs and "commissioners" in the fourth estate?

(Image from http://www.gab.gov.ph/)

THE PALACE BY THE PASIG

Malacanang Palace (or Malacanan if one would like to be historically and politically correct) was once upon a time second home to me having frequented its majestic stuctures and stature during the Marcos era. I found myself as a regular fixture there, visiting my father in his office straight from school which was just across the Pasig. This was also the era of Kokoy Romualdez, Johnny Tuvera, Jake Clave, Ernie Maceda and of course Celso Cabrera who wrote a frequent newspaper column entitled "Inside Malacanang," which featured the latest gossip right in the corridors of power. He too was a frequent visitor of my father. Cabrera knew stuff about President Marcos and the First Lady before anybody knew about it. If something had to be known and was front page material, Cabrera almost always scooped everyone to it, making his column a must read if one wanted to know the happenings right inside the palace. The Malacanang Clinic which was situated across (was it Arlegui?) is a memorable place for me for it was the place where my dreaded circumcision took place. I still remember vividly the man in white who performed the 'cutting-edge' procedure one summer morning. He had a kind face and was also kinder with his 'tools.' His name is Dr. Casanova. To this day, I still wonder what has become of him, for aside from him, I pretty much am aware of what has become of many of FM's lieutenants. Long before the Presidential Legislative Liaison Office (PLLO) was created, there was the Legislative Affairs Office (LAO) / Office of the Legislative Secretary (OLS) which my father headed. He was one of Marcos' longest straight-serving men having been the Legislative Secretary for 20 years (1966-1986) ending only at the height of the EDSA revolt. My father was such a low-key person to a fault that many had forgotten he was working there. And if there was one thing he was found guilty of as is the usual accusation to government officials, his was a simple but bizarre case of "unexplained poverty." As a curious young lad then, I always was fascinated with the huge portraits that hung on the walls of the palace. In one such occasion, I had the privilege to view each and every one of those portraits - imposing presidential portraits they were, which hang majestically to this day. All the portraits of past presidents hang there. Of these, one portrait is unique and differs from the rest because the man was never elected president, nor did he succeed as vice-president. The plaque right below it simply says, "President Jose P. Laurel." I was immediately intrigued by this seeming abnormality because, as far as I remembered my Philippine history at a tender age, Laurel indeed was never elected. I remembered then that Laurel was invited by the Japanese government to serve on the wartime Philippine Executive Commission during the Japanese Occupation. He held several posts on the Commission until he was shot on June 6, 1943 during a golf game with some of his colleagues. The failed assassin was probably an anti-Japanese guerilla, and Laurel recuperated quickly from his bullet wound and was offered the presidency of the Japanese-sponsored republic. He promptly accepted and was installed on October 14, 1943. He served as president from then on up until the American liberating forces returned in 1945, which prompted him to leave immediately for Tokyo. After the war, Laurel was indicted on more than 100 counts of treason and many believed he was just a little too comfy with the Japs. Laurel and Macapagal-Arroyo have one thing in common I suppose - and that both were never elected to the presidency. But that will be another post someday. And so, Malacanang will always be my 'Palace by the Pasig,' even long after the ghosts of yesterday's occupants tirelessly haunt its illegal occupant of today - the 'Squatter in the Palace' if I may. One last item though. If Malacanang is the Tagalog contraction to mean "there is a man of nobility there," or "may lakan diyan." shouldn't Malacanang now be called "Malocanang" meaning, "may loka diyan!"

(Image from http://wikimedia.org/)

STRONG INSTANT NOODLES REPUBLIC

We have become a society of instant noodles. An archipelago of egg noodles. A government that has carelessly muddled itself in the imbroglio of the recent rice crisis must put a stop to this unhealthy shift to an urgent solution to the alarming hunger and malnutrition situation in the country. Rice is, and should still be the staple food of the nation. The irony of it all is that while the International Rice Research Institute (IRRI) - the top honcho agency for rice research and development of the globe sits right here in our own backyard, we shamefully import rice from Vietnam, add to that Thailand, a country we taught everything about riceology now beats us in production and distribution. We have also trained our sights to a possible shift to Biofuels technology whereby we will be converting arable land or ricelands for planting biofuel crops. We don't have enough land to spare unlike other large biofuel efficient countries. We must first feed our nation before we feed our vehicles. But as usual, our so-called public servants in the DA and NFA would not prioritize solving this problem. Why? Well, they probably have other things in mind other than finding solutions to this one. Because of the high price of rice and the contrasting low price of instant noodles, an alarming number of Filipinos have shifted and are shifting to these toxic "pangtawid gutom" menu item. The long-term effects of these seemingly harmless strands of virtual vermicelli are very serious. Cancer, for example can be caused by frequent eating of these noodles. Retardation in young children are also caused by these culprits. High blood too is a regular outcome because of its high salt content, add to that the preservatives - not to mention the wax used by its manufacturers to prolong its shelf life. But once taken, the same wax shortens one's own self life. In a few years, the effects of these instant noodles menace shall be amongst a large chunk of the populace. IQs and rational thinking are the very first to go. If you ask me, I think its long-term effects are now showing in many of our senators and congressmen, government lawyers, judges and justices, cabinet members and generals. And oh, by the way, what do you call smuggled NFA rice when cooked to make rice-soup? Arroyo'z Caldo.

(Image from http://health-issue.org/)

PROSPERITY WITH A DARK PURPOSE - PART I

"Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well." - Proverbs 5:15

I am told of a church somewhere in Makati City's central business district, deep down in Bayani Fernando's wimpish, pinkish Metro Manila where its presbytery recently 'gave the boot' to their pastor for a number of serious reasons. My unimpeachable source tells me that even after numerous reminders to this wayward weasel, he has continued to walk towards the dark and away from the light. This pseudo-pastor loved getting inebriated with beer almost nightly in public places and sometimes in the privacy of his own home. Not satisfied with the numbing effect of the bottle, he goes on to take a special interest with one of its church members. A female I suppose. And only God knows how many more. Prosperity with a dark purpose from a pastor impostor? If you ask me, I think just these two items would be more than sufficient grounds to remove a pastor from the delicate responsibilities of caring for its sheep, him being their shepherd. But a shepherd who "slaughters" his very own sheep in the convenience of his own abattoir deserves to be in for the slaughter himself, especially if that poor little sheep is the most vulnerable in the drove, and one who bleats the most for affection. A so-called man of God who in reality is a 'wolf in sheep's clothing' deserves to be stripped off his cover, so to speak. He must be unmasked for his true colors to be revealed for all to see, not to mention the yellow streak that would show running down his spine. His un-virgin wool must be sheared off from his pachydermic epidermis and then given away to the cold and the contrite, not to the prosperous and the plentiful. Men like him are not fit to carry on preaching from the pulpit, for with it is the divine task of winning souls for God - and not the careless and selfish act of ushering souls to eternal damnation. Some say it's alright for a pastor to drink even every night and then go on to preach the next day, as long as he doesn't preach while intoxicated. Well, on that ignoramus idea, it's just like saying that it's alright for a leader of a church to gallivant and have affairs here and there and everywhere around Metro Manila, as long as he goes home to his wife every single night, right? Wrong! Imagine, this so-called man of God was even so arrogant to address one of his loyal church members who saw the light as "isang langaw lang siya sa buhay ko!" This member snapped back immediately saying, "kaya pala lagi ako dumidikit sa kanya, e kasi, saan ba mahilig dumapo ang langaw?!" And to those who blindly tolerate these actions, you too could be most answerable to God and are responsible for the necessary actions to take to stop this and uproot this wrongdoing once and for all, lest you carry on your tired old backs the heavy wrath of God. Further, I am told that this unrepentant person continues to this day to cast his 'net of deception' from his leaking 'boat of pretention.' He could very well be a 'poacher of lost souls' for his self-satisfaction and aggrandizement. A fisher of men who, in reality, is really just a plain old fisher of compliments - and God must be angry and pissed off at him! With this story shared to me, I am reminded of the great and incomparable Reverend Jimmy Swaggart, when he fell, he fell flat on his face for a similar sin. But he went on to try to restore himself in an orderly fashion and in one occasion, as he read Psalm 51 weepingly, repentantly before an equally emotional congregation, he asked forgiveness from both God and man. In a nutshell, Psalm 51 talks about the Psalmist David's repentance from the sins of pride and lust, among others. We all need to cry our heart's out to God Psalm 51 at some point in our lives, yet some people would rather skip it and jump to Psalm 52 straight from Psalm 50 and use it simply as opening scripture for Sunday church service. And so, this church I am told moves on towards the light, and away from the temporary darkness brought about by this 'angel of light,' with a sign on its door which says: "Wanted: A pastor who fights our battles with us, not a pastor who hides his bottles from us. A pastor with a genuine love for the ministry, not a pastor with a genuine lust for the miniskirt."

(Image from http://www.ensltd.com/)

GLORIA'S ILLEGITIMATE PRESIDENCY IS A LEGITIMATE CURSE

Filipinos above a certain age remember the fifties and sixties as the "golden age of Philippine progress and development." The country led the rest of South-East Asia in scientific research, education, business, the arts, and the practice of democratic governance. Filipinos then exuded an air of confidence and a purpose befitting a people in control of their destiny with a bright future ahead of them. Contrast that image with today's reality as outlined by a fact which we quote in part below:

By her own admission, President Gloria Arroyo accurately assessed that "over the last decades, our (strong) Republic has become one of the weakest, steadily left behind by its progressive neighbors, and forty years ago, we were second only to Japan in economic stature, and way ahead of Singapore, Hong Kong, Malaysia and Thailand." At our present growth rate, it will take us some 30 years to get where Thailand is today. And by the year 2030, our children will experience far worse conditions than we have today:

1. A population of 160 million;
2. Of those, 70 to 90 million will live below the poverty line;
3. Our national debt is estimated to be US$ 200 billion (compared to US$ 28 billion when President Ferdinand Marcos fled the country in 1986, and US$ 72 billion today);
4. We will be competing, not against Thailand or even Vietnam, but against Bangladesh;
5. We will still be the most corrupt nation in Asia, if not the world.

The signs are very clear. For as long as Gloria Arroyo remains our President, our nation is headed towards an irreversible path of economic decline and moral decadence - contrary to what she and her economic snails are now reporting to the people.




(image from http://www.chinapost.com/)

HONORABLE CONGRESSMEN - A DYING BREED?

"How beautiful it is to do nothing and then rest afterwards." - Spanish Proverb

It always seems to many of us Filipinos that our legislators are always busy everyday tackling matters of national interest. Meetings here, meetings there. Well, that's not all entirely true. Truth is, many of these congressmen spend more hours talking about pork barrels, mistresses and golf. They also talk about the latest SUVs and interest rates, not to mention the latest color designs of Lacoste, which really is their brand of choice. I wonder, does that tiny crocodile on the shirt have a direct link to their lifestyle? Most of the time, we see them on our streets with flashy imports and gas-guzzling SUVs bullying their way through traffic sporting #8 plates. It will be a cold day in hell when I actually see a #8 vehicle obey a traffic light. So, lawbreakers in disguise as lawmakers? A congressman's normal life is a life of luxury and influence. He gets the best table in a restaurant, the best seat in a theatre, the best tickets to a concert and the best looking umbrella girl. He gets the first billing in a wedding invitation, which means that he is also one of the first VIPs to kiss the bride. When in a bank, he doesn't get to fall in line like the rest of us ordinary bank clients. He is a "preferred client," as BPI proudly advertises it. He gets the immediate attention of the bank manager, otherwise, he gets to deposit his millions to the bank next door. A congressman isn't subject to a body search whenever he enters a mall. He is saluted snappily by security guards on duty. He gets a steady supply of Viagra and Cialis from his personal physician, and always, the best room with the best view in a 5-star hotel. No wonder many make it a career in life to be a congressman, spending huge sums to buy votes and air time. To get elected no matter the cost, because when elected, can easily get back that money spent via pay-offs, bribes, kickbacks and of course - pork barrel! Oh, he also gets to be addressed as "Honorable." Of course, I find this very difficult to just swallow hook, line and sinker because most of the time, they do the exact opposite. And by the way, the only time they tell the truth is when they call each other "Liar."

(Image from http://bbc.co.uk/)

NO WAY, EMEMDEE-EY!

It certainly makes private citizens like me suspicious, knowing that no less than MMDA Chairman Bayani 'BF' Fernando is the alleged owner of BF Steel Corporation, as mentioned by 'The Game' on the comment section of a previous similar post right here, and then at the same time embarks on an aggressive "ironization" of Metro Manila - constructing pink and blue footbridges here, pink and blue footbridges there, pink fences here, pink fences there - and those ghastly looking male urinals that even 'askals' would not dare use to do their thing, not to mention those Toblerone-like killer concrete barriers which, to this day all remain unlit and have maimed and killed a number of motorists under the watch of a presidentiable wannabe who believes so much in himself thinking that Marikina is Metro-Manila, and Metro-Manila is the Philippines. I smell some kind of a conflict of interest here somehow. Does the MMDA bid out its "ironization projects," or are they automatically awarded to the BF Steel Corporation? Can the MMDA please be transparent on this thing since it involves no less than hard-earned taxpayers' money? By the way, while those steel footbridges may be good to many pedestrians concerning their safety, it ain't so totally safe since they're so slippery and dangerous to its users during and after the rains because of its flat and smooth surface, and most especially to the elderly and the infirm. It's hard to believe that a guy like BF, who thinks of the beautification (many call it 'uglification') of Metro-Manila would not prioritize safety, and it sure is not on top of his list. He would prioritize his posters all over the thoroughfares like EDSA, BAYANI stickers on buses and "guwapito-guwapo ads" on LRT trains, but never on safety. Unlit concrete barriers, slippery steel footbridges, askal-unfriendly male urinals, arrogant kotong MMDA blue boys, idiotic slogans and silly color combinations that even Liberace, German Moreno or Mike Velarde would not approve. That's today's MMDA for you. So, is the Philippines ready for a Bayani Fernando presidency? And what, a pink Malacanang Palace? No way, Ememdee-ey!

(Image from http://wikimedia.org/)

IT'S PAYBACK TIME ONCE AGAIN (PART 2)

So, it's payback time once again for some (and soon for all) of the losing Team Unity bets. Paid recently were former Senator and lifetime comedian Tito Sotto to the Dangerous Drugs Board (DDB); former Senator Ralph Recto (aka Mr. Santos) to the National Economic Development Authority (NEDA); former Presidential Chief of Staff and Congressman Mike Defensor, who recently bagged the Nickel in Beijing at the same time that the rest of the international athletes were dying for the Gold - Mike settles so happily for the Nickel with no less than President Gloria Arroyo in attendance to witness the contract signing; former printing machine salesman and Congressman Prospero 'Butch' Pichay (itanim sa senado, o ibaon sa lupa?) to the Local Water Utilities Administration (LWUA); and quite recently, former Ilocos Sur Governor/whistle-blower/Erap nemesis/Pacquiao patron - Luis 'Chavit' Singson as Deputy National Security Adviser (DNSA). Methinks Sotto should just continue recording 'Laff Hits' with brother Vic and celebrity comedian Joey de Leon, while Recto should redeem himself from the nomenclature "Ang Rectong 'Di Claro," while Defensor should explain how a losing company like GeoGrace can bag a multi-million dollar Nickel project from China. As for Pichay, shouldn't he just return to selling printing machines? After all, elections are just around the corner, and he sure could corner a lot of sales both from government and private businesses. And last but not least, Singson - well, he does have many friends and connections both in the intelligence community and in the unintelligent community. Unlike the rest who are more of a liability to GMA than an asset, Singson might just deliver the goods to the government, so to speak. He is a deep-rooted politician and well-connected, contrary to his superior NSA Norberto Gonzales, whose only known connection is with the executives who signed with him the forgotten Venable Contract with government. More rewards are coming soon. Forget the Civil Service Commission. Forget the career executives in government. When Gloria pays back a political debt, she certainly overpays!

(Image from http://farm1.static.flickr.com/ & http://www.boholchronicle.com/)

GMA'S NATIONWIDE PROGRAMS

The Social Weather Stations (SWS) and Pulse Asia recently conducted a survey on GMA. It was discovered that Pinoys are generally happy and satisfied with GMA's nationwide programs. When asked what program they like and approve the most, majority of respondents replied: 'DYESEBEL.'

(Image from http://cdn4.wn.com/)

ANO BA 'YAN KABAYAN!

Unknown to many, surveys top-ranker Vice-President Noli de Castro is a compleat author of books, and many think he is ripe for the presidency. He recently published a science book for our high school students entitled, "Toxic Gases From Your Anus" ( he should have spelled it 'Uranus'). So, does he get your vote in 2010? I thought so. P.S. This is only a joke.

(Image from http://daylife.com/)

PGMA STAMPS RECALLED!

The Philippine Postal Authority (PhilPost) recently ordered the recall of all newly-circulated President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo/Ramdam Ang Kaunlaran stamps. Why? Postal employees discovered that a majority of Pinoys who buy them were putting their SPIT on the wrong side of the stamps!

(Image from http://farm4.static.flickr.com/)

CHAMP WITH CHIZ

Since Manny Pacquiao's ultimate dream is to be in politics and an elected official (thank God he wasn't appointed DENR Usec by Litong-Lito Atienza), and since Senator Francis Escudero is a mighty contender for the vice-presidency, may I then suggest this early for fastfood giant Jollibee Foods Corporation (JFC) to sign up a contract with them for a Pacquiao/Escudero - President/Vice-President tandem for 2010 - and with that, may I further suggest that Jollibee adopt the campaign slogan: "I LIKE CHAMP WITH CHIZ FOR 2010!"

(Image from http://www.philgift.com/)

LAWBREAKERS IN DISGUISE AS LAWMAKERS

1. If PRO is the opposite of CON, what then is the opposite of PROgress?

2. Q: What is the difference between the Durian fruit in season and the Batasan Pambansa in session?

A: The PRICKS of the Durian fruit are outside.

(Image from http://www.pcij.org/)

GLORIA'S CONVERSATION WITH GOD

Gloria Arroyo dies and goes to Heaven. (really??) There, she receives a tremendous ovation. Millions of angels sing and praise her. She is given a crown and put on a great throne. Looking around, she is surprised to notice that her crown and throne are bigger than God's. Even she is unprepared for this. "How come?" she asks God. "You are greater than I," says God respectfully. "I gave the Filipino people one day of fasting a week. You gave them seven. I gave them hope, but you took it away!"

(Image from http://www.wisehearts2.com/)

CHRISTIAN NATION, CORRUPT NATION, PRESENT ADMINISTRATION = DAMNATION

While looking at some old clippings of past columns of my father, I found this piece of comment he had written in 2000 which has something to do with our boastful claim that we are "the only Christian nation in Asia." If that were so, how is it that we are also the most if not one of the most corrupt in the region? I think it has also something to do with the reality that we are surrounded by too much religion and yet too little respect for each other.

"Philippine authorities may also seriously consider warnings that it is not wise to be smug in the thought that the Philippines is the only Christian country in Asia and could expect full and unconditional support from western Christian nations. These officials have been told to look at the situation as one where the Philippines is a Christian island in an Islamic and Buddhist sea." - Ariel Bocobo, 'Like It Is,' Manila Standard May 31, 2000

(Image from http://www.bahaykuboresearch.net/)

FROM ARGENTINA'S EVITA TO THE PHILIPPINES' EVITAY

The Philippine Center for Theatre and the Performing Arts (PCTPA) will soon be opening its studios for auditions for their planned musical which will feature the political life and times of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. The musical, which promises to be a hit and an overnight success will be appropriately entitled, "EVITAY!"

(Images from http://www.argentour.com/ & http://www.nndb.com/)

A LISTENING PRESIDENT - WHO'S DEAF

Lying is a cottage industry these days in Malacanang. Newly-appointed Press Secretary Jess Dureza told radio listeners recently that President Arroyo is "a listening president." Really now. Is she "a listening president" when she keeps ignoring the nation's call for her to step down? Is she "a listening president" when she keeps re-appointing public officials who do not pass or who are by-passed by the Commission on Appointments (CA)? Is she "a listening president" when she keeps travelling with an expensive and a large entourage including nannies of her grandchildren? Is she "a listening president" each time she re-appoints a retired general to a sensitive top government position? Is the word "retired" so difficult for her to understand? Is she "a listening president" each time she ignores public clamor for the firing of GSIS' Winston Garcia? Is she "a listening president" each time her numerous attempts at Charter Change is rejected by the Filipino people? We are reminded of former Malaysian Prime Minister Dr. Mahathir Mohammad when he said it so clear, "When you have a leader who is totally insensitive and refuses to accept realities, then you have a problem." Just for once, can she now be "a listening president" for us all and serve another term not in office - but in jail?

(Image from http://news.bbc.co.uk/)

BF CONSULTS MADAME AURING

Bayani Fernando is known to frequent astrologers, soothsayers and others of that ilk. One day, he visits Madame Auring and asks her, "What day will I die?" After carefully looking at BF's charts, she declares, "You will die on Metro-Vendors' Holiday." Much perturbed, BF demands, "Which one?" "I don't know," replies the multi face-lifted madame. BF becomes very angry, "You must know!" he shouts, "I insist upon the truth!" "I don't know," persists Madame Auring, "because any day you die will be a Metro-Vendors' Holiday!"

(Images from http://www.pep.ph/ & http://www.mukamo.com/)

BLACK-BELTER BLACK DWARF

While she was in China for the opening ceremonies of the recently concluded 2008 Beijing Olympics, President Gloria Arroyo had a chance meeting with celebrity Hong Kong film director John Woo. Mr. Woo was so impressed with the athletic fanaticism and natural acting prowess of President Arroyo that he offered her on the spot to star in his next cartoon film entitled, KUNG-FU PANDAK.

(Image from http://www.superstock.com/)

THREE UNWELCOME GUESTS IN THE PALACE

It takes a thief ... to spot another one. Amazing how one can still manage to pass thru hi-tech security cameras and state-of-the-art motion detectors, not to mention the malnourished Belgian Malinois K9s and the robotic PSGs around Malacanang Palace. On one such quiet night, a thief managed to break into the palace kitchen, thereupon bumping unexpectedly into the first couple who were having a late night cup of coffee each and some left-over buko pie. Simultaneously, as the partners-in-crime froze surprised, the thief upon seeing them eyeball-to-eyeball, panicked and ran away screaming, "MAGNANAKAW!! MAGNANAKAAW!!!"

(Image from http://hulu.com/)

REMEMBERING MR. UNITED NATIONS

When the design for the UN flag was subject for approval by its member-nations, General Carlos P. Romulo (head of the UN General Assembly and the UN Security Council) pointed out a grand objection. The Philippines had been scratched out from the map of the world on the proposed flag. The artist explained that the omission was unavoidable, for he said it was no longer possible to include the Philippines on a world map bearing the size of a tablecloth. But the tiny man with a huge stature refused to listen at all to any and all excuses. Raising to his full height, the diminutive Tarlaqueno demanded: "I don't care how you do it, just put my country on that flag!"
Today, we have a different mutant-breed of generals (General Hermogenes Esperon Jr. and General Rodolfo Garcia) who would rather see our country in halves, possibly split into North Philippines and South Philippines. Thanks to their utter lack for love of country and absolute plenty for love of self interests, the present fighting taking place in Mindanao is due to their insistence on the Memorandum of Agreement (MoA) between the GRP panel and the MILF chieftains. At times like these, how we wish we had the likes of General Romulo who loved his country with passion and determination to keep it united under one flag. Thank you General Romulo!

(Image form http://www.medaloffreedom.com/)

A BROWN PASIG AND A POLYNESIAN SHIRT

I think we ought to already have a separate and independent Department of Conservation or an Environmental Protection Agency just like the powerful EPA in the US, whose main task is to identify and punish the enemies of the environment and polluters like the factories by the Pasig, unlike the present DENR whose chief executive does a better job posing as a leech right next to a boxing champ, and a participant in the "abduction" of a whistle-blower at the airport. Thanks to the so-called "environment watchdogs," we now have a Brown Pasig as Europe has its Blue Danube and China its Yellow River.

(Image from http://www.daylife.com/)

'TROJAN' - THE OFFICIAL SEAL

At the rate this present administration bungles on every issue it puts its hands on, the official seal of Malacanang today should be just a simple condom. Why? Because a condom allows inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects and covers-up for a bunch of pricks in government and in business, and gives you a sense of security while being screwed!

(Image from http://cpyu.org/)

IMELDA THE BEAUTIFUL / GLORIA THE VILE

Packaging is everything. When Gloria's apologists keep boasting of their master's achievements as a top-gun economist, and yet our economy is in the doldrums, that's wrong management of our investments. There's really only so much that the world economy can do to inflict damage in our country, for as it is we are on our own at the end of the day, and we can really do better even without those MOUs and MOAs. When Lorelei Fajardo, Anthony Golez, Jess Dureza and Ed Ermita and even my favorite flunkie Cerge Remonde keep saying that their master isn't bothered at all with her dismal acceptance ratings, and yet with Gloria's 24/7 tongue-lashing at them, they go on working late hours in the Palace to spin a weave of a miracle to improve her image, and then we see all over huge posters saying "Ramdam Ang Kaunlaran," and yet we have become a society of instant noodles with the high prices of food and commodities, they sure have packaged her in a very poor way, for the truth is "Ramdam Ang Kaunlaran" is really "Ramdam Ang Kahirapan." Take the case of former First Lady Imelda Marcos. In her campaign for the presidency of the country years ago, she tried appealing to the poor. At a rally in Manila, she told several thousand impoverished followers, "I am a squatter like you too." Then she climbed into her air-conditioned stretch Mercedes-Benz and returned to her $2,000 a day hotel suite. Now, that's another bad way to package a candidate, isn't it? And guess what? The approach didn't work. So, Mrs. Marcos' next tactic was to claim that the foundation of President Marcos' wealth was simply good fortune - he stumbled upon a vast horde of gold hidden by Japanese soldiers when they occupied the Philippines in World War 2. The First Lady added further that President Marcos had generously sold much of the gold to help the Philippines through difficult economic times in the 60s and 70s. Well, subsequent Philippine regimes didn't do any bit better. In fact, it is at its worst today! Previous administrations countered that the Marcoses accumulated their fortune through embezzlement and kickbacks, which in comparison with today's crooks in Malacananang, is mere loose-change. So, whether it be a MOU in China or a MOA in Malaysia, it all boils down to one thing - the people are the losers again.

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