PRESIDENTIAL ACCESSORIES

Yesterday: Erap's wristband.

Today: Gloria's neckbrace.

Tomorrow: Noynoy's straightjacket.

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FOR UNOFFICIAL USE ALSO

The Philippine Air Force (PAF) should bill some senators and congressmen, some members of the judiciary and the cabinet for the use of its planes and choppers. These honorable folks are notorious for using PAF aircraft for their out of town "inspection trips," most of which are really just visits to their home provinces in order to stand as wedding and baptismal sponsors, including town fiestas. Can you imagine the amount of fuel that is consumed and wasted by these opportunists?

Top military officers who have such callous clout are also guilty of using PAF aircraft to visit their haciendas, ranches and fishponds in their respective provinces, and sometimes also to bring their girl friends to beach and mountain resorts.

Billing officials of the military, judiciary, legislative and executive brances for the use of PAF planes and choppers is only but the proper thing to do, especially if such an important military component such as the Philippine Air Force (PAF) is low on budget much-needed for modernization. As such, many legislators are notorious for abusing military aircraft and other government vehicles for so long that it has been an "acceptable bad habit" of those in high places.

It is common knowledge that the biggest offenders to this are re-electionist senators and congresmen who have no compunction about abusing government resources for their selfish political plans. Hence, these officials must pay up, or brace themselves for yet another scandal in the offing involving the wanton use and waste of unauthorized resources they claim with such a lie as a privilege. But, the people will always have these shameless actions in mind when they vote for their "public servants" next year.

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HARASSORS AND HARASSEES

Everywhere one goes, one witnesses some form of harassment inflicted on someone. And the most frequent yet subtle of all is sexual harassment. Some years back, then President Ramos signed into law the much-feared anti-sexual harassment bill which came as a relief to those subjected daily to sexual harassment from sex-starved perverts.

I list the following as some of the more obvious harassors and their harassees:

- professor and student
- government official and employee
- movie producer/director and starlet
- airline pilot and stewardess
- bank official and bank teller
- store owner and saleslady
- policeman and waitress
- society matron and dance instructor
- editor and reporter
- radio/television executive and talent applicant
- medical director/doctor and nurse
- military officer and WAC
- hotel executive and front desk staffer
- tricycle driver and passenger
- taxi driver and passenger
- swimming instructor and pupil
- mayor's inspection team member and night club entertainer
- policeman and GRO
- husband and estranged wife
- pastor/priest and church member/goer

Remember, we do have a law, and victims can punish these people. To begin with, your local Barangay can assist you when filing a complaint against an offender, but be careful as there are also cases between Barangay officials and complainants.

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YOUR NOSE IS "ILONG"- GATING

We better brace up for a juggernaut of political gibberish that will continue to pour in until the second quarter of next year. The best attitude for us to take would be to treat such political chatter as empty promises, and then hope that at least a portion of this bull would consist of sincere promises which the candidates will fulfill once elected. Some of the phrases and pledges voters will hear are the following. I have attempted to interpret them for the trusting voters.

- Declaration: "I am pro-God, pro-life and pro-family." Interpretation: "I hope the church leaders will close their eyes to my sinister and reprehensible faults and endorse me in their pastoral letters. Likewise, Bro. Mike Velarde and Bro. Eddie Villanueva."

- Declaration: "I simply want to serve the people." Interpretation: "After of course I have amassed millions to take care of my family and relatives so that I don't have to worry about their future and concentrate on how to ease the lot of the people."

- Declaration: "The Philippines for the Filipinos." Interpretation: "Although this should not bar me from accepting huge lobby money from Chinese, American, Japanese, Malaysian, Indonesian and Spanish investors who want government protection."

- Declaration: "Judge me by my track record." Interpretation: "All those accusations that I have stolen from the treasury and that I have almost nothing to show for accomplishments are mere black propaganda and are all politically motivated by my opponents."

- Declaration: "Use your conscience when you enter the polling booth." Interpretation: "But of course you can make me an exception and write down my name."

- Declaration: "The youth is the future of this country." Interpretation: "That is why I am sending my children to the most exclusive schools here and abroad and opening bank accounts in their names. The fact that the money I had stolen for my children belongs to the public is only incidental."

- Declaration: "We have to preserve the democratic way of life." Interpretation: "Under a setup where I am most happy, i.e., where they don't send thieving officials to face a firing squad and where crooked officials may hire the best lawyers and retain the best law firms and escape imprisonment."

- Declaration: "I am going to serve for only one term." Interpretation: "Unless of course there is a clamor from the people (whom I have paid), made upon the prodding of political leaders, most of whom are my stooges"

- Declaration: "My life is an open book." Interpretation: "Until they discover the unexpurgated version which would have been a bestseller on crime and passion actually, outright pornography."

- Declaration: "Always go for the winner." Interpretation: "Why waste your votes on upright, honest, sincere and dedicated candidates who cannot even pay for your jeepney fares for the trip to the polling booths? The line forms to the right for my 'winning' formula of buying your votes."

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BISTEK'S OVERKILL

Just last night, I received a text message from a friend who was having his usual coffee treat at his favorite UCC Coffee on Tomas Morato, QC. He was barely on his third sip when suddenly, a deluge of white Mitsubishi Adventure vehicles (three or four) complete with blinkers and sirens, arrived tailing a Suburban which was being escorted by a motorcycle cop. The passenger was Quezon City Vice-Mayor Herbert Bautista who was entering a next-door spa. His "arrival" I was told caused quite a commotion, sort of an "animal arrive," or "hayop ang dating." Upon alighting from his vehicle, his security detail were acting a la secret service men. Okay, I'm over-reacting again. But who really is over-acting here? Herbert is ONLY a vice-mayor. Does he have to "announce" his arrival for all to see? There's always a discreet way of going to places you see. Methinks he overdid it last night, as probably in other similar occasions. In a country where wealth and power are openly displayed, it would be wise to not display them so much as to cause quite a stir. Not to mention the anger from citizens who think so lowly of people in elected and appointive positions. Tip: Arrival 101: Discreetly and Stealthily.

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