Monday, June 29, 2009


YOUR NOSE IS "ILONG"- GATING

We better brace up for a juggernaut of political gibberish that will continue to pour in until the second quarter of next year. The best attitude for us to take would be to treat such political chatter as empty promises, and then hope that at least a portion of this bull would consist of sincere promises which the candidates will fulfill once elected. Some of the phrases and pledges voters will hear are the following. I have attempted to interpret them for the trusting voters.

- Declaration: "I am pro-God, pro-life and pro-family." Interpretation: "I hope the church leaders will close their eyes to my sinister and reprehensible faults and endorse me in their pastoral letters. Likewise, Bro. Mike Velarde and Bro. Eddie Villanueva."

- Declaration: "I simply want to serve the people." Interpretation: "After of course I have amassed millions to take care of my family and relatives so that I don't have to worry about their future and concentrate on how to ease the lot of the people."

- Declaration: "The Philippines for the Filipinos." Interpretation: "Although this should not bar me from accepting huge lobby money from Chinese, American, Japanese, Malaysian, Indonesian and Spanish investors who want government protection."

- Declaration: "Judge me by my track record." Interpretation: "All those accusations that I have stolen from the treasury and that I have almost nothing to show for accomplishments are mere black propaganda and are all politically motivated by my opponents."

- Declaration: "Use your conscience when you enter the polling booth." Interpretation: "But of course you can make me an exception and write down my name."

- Declaration: "The youth is the future of this country." Interpretation: "That is why I am sending my children to the most exclusive schools here and abroad and opening bank accounts in their names. The fact that the money I had stolen for my children belongs to the public is only incidental."

- Declaration: "We have to preserve the democratic way of life." Interpretation: "Under a setup where I am most happy, i.e., where they don't send thieving officials to face a firing squad and where crooked officials may hire the best lawyers and retain the best law firms and escape imprisonment."

- Declaration: "I am going to serve for only one term." Interpretation: "Unless of course there is a clamor from the people (whom I have paid), made upon the prodding of political leaders, most of whom are my stooges"

- Declaration: "My life is an open book." Interpretation: "Until they discover the unexpurgated version which would have been a bestseller on crime and passion actually, outright pornography."

- Declaration: "Always go for the winner." Interpretation: "Why waste your votes on upright, honest, sincere and dedicated candidates who cannot even pay for your jeepney fares for the trip to the polling booths? The line forms to the right for my 'winning' formula of buying your votes."

2 comments:

manilabaywatch said...

Hahah!

Great dictionary you've got there, Leslie!

LCB said...

Many thanks AdB! Cheers!