Sunday, August 09, 2009


Filipino scientists recently achieved an amazing historical and scientific breakthrough after discovering what they now claim to be "the heaviest and the most unstable element known to science." The new element has been appropriately named "Glorianium," which has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held hostage by forces called morons, surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

While Glorianium has no electrons, it is however inert. It can be detected as it impedes every action with which it comes into contact with. A tiny amount of Glorianium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second only.

Glorianium has a normal half-life of 6 years, but acts and reacts just like its cousin Diktatorium. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Glorianium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming iso-dopes. This will happen when her honorable iso-dopes in Congress convene, forming an amoeba-like Constituent-Assembly, hoping to extend her parasitic reign against the will of a host nation.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some Filipino scientists to speculate that Glorianium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

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