PHILIPPINE CROCODILE (CROCODYLUS MINDORENSIS CONGRESSMANUS)

I recently visited the Batasan Pambansa to meet a former staff member of mine who now works for one of the elected officials there. I was so surprised to see the latest imports bearing the #8 on them. The most beautiful and expensive vehicles can be found right at the Batasan. Well, what do you expect? They now have a Speaker who has evolved from a tweeter to a boom-box. He sure is living it up as well. They all are. I immediately thought that being a congressman was always equivalent to being filthy rich. Since there was no session that hour I was there, many of the congressmen were just casually dressed, but wore the latest Lacoste shirts with that little crocodile on them. Imagine that, a tiny crocodile on a big crocodile. Funny, but true. Methinks congressmen are from a diffrent species of crocs. They're both land and water creatures, which means they are amphibious. They can easily adapt to the environment and climate change, and will always be more accomodating during the campaign season. They are Pachyderms. Once elected, their body clocks automatically switch to "hibernate" mode, which means that you'll have to wait the whole summer season until you get a satisfactory attention from them. But we never learn. We elect their offsprings to the very same positions they once occupied. It's called "dynasty." I guess we're just simply too familiar and stuck with the system already, and that's why the 'Dynasty Bill' will never prosper in Congress. And the Cayman congressman will always put the 'nasty' in dynasty. Before leaving the Batasan, my friend whispered to me that this year just like last year, there won't be any 'Nativity Scene' again in Congress. I asked why and he said, "They probably won't be able to find again even just three wise men and a virgin right here. Only enough asses amongst themselves to fill the stable!"

(Image from http://iucncsg.org/)

HONORABLE CONGRESSMEN - A DYING BREED?

"How beautiful it is to do nothing and then rest afterwards." - Spanish Proverb

It always seems to many of us Filipinos that our legislators are always busy everyday tackling matters of national interest. Meetings here, meetings there. Well, that's not all entirely true. Truth is, many of these congressmen spend more hours talking about pork barrels, mistresses and golf. They also talk about the latest SUVs and interest rates, not to mention the latest color designs of Lacoste, which really is their brand of choice. I wonder, does that tiny crocodile on the shirt have a direct link to their lifestyle? Most of the time, we see them on our streets with flashy imports and gas-guzzling SUVs bullying their way through traffic sporting #8 plates. It will be a cold day in hell when I actually see a #8 vehicle obey a traffic light. So, lawbreakers in disguise as lawmakers? A congressman's normal life is a life of luxury and influence. He gets the best table in a restaurant, the best seat in a theatre, the best tickets to a concert and the best looking umbrella girl. He gets the first billing in a wedding invitation, which means that he is also one of the first VIPs to kiss the bride. When in a bank, he doesn't get to fall in line like the rest of us ordinary bank clients. He is a "preferred client," as BPI proudly advertises it. He gets the immediate attention of the bank manager, otherwise, he gets to deposit his millions to the bank next door. A congressman isn't subject to a body search whenever he enters a mall. He is saluted snappily by security guards on duty. He gets a steady supply of Viagra and Cialis from his personal physician, and always, the best room with the best view in a 5-star hotel. No wonder many make it a career in life to be a congressman, spending huge sums to buy votes and air time. To get elected no matter the cost, because when elected, can easily get back that money spent via pay-offs, bribes, kickbacks and of course - pork barrel! Oh, he also gets to be addressed as "Honorable." Of course, I find this very difficult to just swallow hook, line and sinker because most of the time, they do the exact opposite. And by the way, the only time they tell the truth is when they call each other "Liar."

(Image from http://bbc.co.uk/)

LAWBREAKERS IN DISGUISE AS LAWMAKERS

1. If PRO is the opposite of CON, what then is the opposite of PROgress?

2. Q: What is the difference between the Durian fruit in season and the Batasan Pambansa in session?

A: The PRICKS of the Durian fruit are outside.

(Image from http://www.pcij.org/)

HONORABLE CON-GREASE-MEN

Nobility obligates that the elected persons in the Lower Chamber, by virtue of their "high rank," be of honorable, generous and responsible behavior concomitant to their office, as the definition states. May they attend to the daily business of legislation inside the session hall where their presence for a quorum needs to be constantly, repeatedly eternally heralded by the mechanized notes of a sonorous bell. May they, at the very least, be of a disposition as to approximate the adjective attached to their names: "Honorable," or so it says.
We have watched the Lower House for the past years, and we weep. We weep at the billions of pesos spent for the passage of several bills, two-thirds of which do not concern our country. These were bills changing the names of streets and schools, declaring local holidays and such. The hundreds of millions spent on salaries, allowances, bonuses, junkets both domestic and foreign, an almost invisible district staff, brand new SUVs, country club fees, office repairs and renovation, and a host of other expenditures - these are more than enough to make us ache in the innards from the sheer volume and profligacy. We must also add to our pain the "Pork" of 70 million pesos for each conniving congressman/woman, and 200 million pesos for each sinful senator.
This is where most of your taxes go. The toil and sweat of an eight-hour work day for the ordinary employee, the deductions of the compulsory withholding tax, the toll fees, the added payments for VAT and the Extended-VAT when you buy anything other than fresh food - all these go to the billions that support your pseudo-public servant.
Why then do the supposedly "Honorable" personalities in the House of Representatives not attend sessions as regulary as required? Sometimes they stay in their rooms and listen instead to the deliberations from the built-in sound system. Sometimes they lounge at the South Lounge to eat, chat or smoke. Sometimes they are abroad. Sometimes they are present for the roll call and leave shortly after their names have been called. Sometimes they only attend to deliver a self-serving privilege speech after asking an audience to sit at the gallery to listen. Most times they talk about their material wealth, investments and golf. I've always said that the only time congressmen tell the truth is when they call each other "Liars." And we still call them "Honorable?"

(Image from http://bbc.co.uk/)