MARTIAL LAW AND MAR SHALLOW

Nothing in particular. Just playing with words as I always love to, and these suddenly appeared like marquee lights in my mind: "Martial Law," and "Mar Shallow." Both subject matter are currently a daily read these days in practically every publication there is, which brought me to ask myself how long will Martial Law be implemented in Maguindanao and will it spill over to other areas like Metro Manila and then to the entire archipelago to, in the words of Rep. Teddy Casino, "end all other rebellions?" and then coming to mind too is the question how shallow really is Mar Roxas? As one reader puts it, "he's deeply shallow." But methinks Mar is shallowy deep, what ever that means. You be the judge.

Being a little "shallow" can be tolerable, especially from one whose organization tries hard to identify him with the masses or the hoi polloi with pseudonyms first like "Mister Palengke" and then a few years later "Padyak," when in fact he comes from the creme de la creme of such buena familias. In short, an upper crust, top-of-the-foodchain bourgeois. A capitalist who exploits the proletariat. The same thing can be said about his runningmate Noynoy Aquino and most of the presidentiables.

And since it looks like he's a sure winner for the second highest office in the land, I just hope he doesn't become another Sultan of Shallow like VP Noli de Castro.

As for Martial Law, that really is either tolerable or intolerable, depending on whose side you're on.

(Image from http://alegriasurigao.wordpress.com/)

BATASAN PAMBANSA VOTES TO OUTSOURCE THE PRESIDENCY

Batasan Pambansa, Quezon City --

Congress today announced that the Office of the President will be outsourced to India soon. The move is being made in order to save the President's yearly salary, and also a record billions in pesos in deficit expenditures and related overhead that the premier office has incurred during the last 8 years. It is anticipated that several billions of pesos will be saved to the end of GMA's term (if she really does step down). "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge," stated Speaker Prospero 'Boy' Nograles. "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Nograles noted.

President Arroyo was informed by e-mail this morning of her termination. A member of the Malacanang Press Corps was present to explain the congressional decision to Press Secretary Cerge Remonde in simpler terms.

Sanjay Singh, a tele-technician for Indee-Ya Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the Office of the President shortly. Mr. Singh was born in Paco, Manila, while his Indian parents were vacationing in the Philippines, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of PhP 45,000 a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. He will instead be working at night, similar to a call-center job. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer factory," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always dreamed of being president of something someday."

A staff member of Speaker Nograles' office noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the Office of the President, this should not be a problem as President Arroyo has never had a clue either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the staff member. "President Arroyo has utilized them successfully for years, with the result that many Filipinos actually thought she knew what she was talking about. But then, even Vice-President Noli de Castro is still clueless to this day."

President Arroyo may have difficulty in securing a new position for lack of any moral credentials whatsoever.

Hobbit House Manila has expressed interest in hiring her as floor manager.

(Image from http://bbc.co.uk/)

"QUE BARBARIDAD!"

FG Mike Arroyo wakes up one morning, looks out from the Malacanang Palace window and sees "MIKE ARROYO SUCKS" written in urine on a huge pile of sand. Furious, he calls the PSG and demands the perpetrators be found. Later that same day, several PSG guards return.

"Sir," says the first guard, "Na-analyze na po ng intelligence ang urine, at galing daw po kay VP De Castro." FG Mike goes purple with rage and shouts, "Que barbaridad! Is that all?!"

"Well, no sir," says the agent, "It's.. aah.. ma'am President's handwriting!"

(Image from http://www.philstar.com/)

ANO BA 'YAN KABAYAN!

Unknown to many, surveys top-ranker Vice-President Noli de Castro is a compleat author of books, and many think he is ripe for the presidency. He recently published a science book for our high school students entitled, "Toxic Gases From Your Anus" ( he should have spelled it 'Uranus'). So, does he get your vote in 2010? I thought so. P.S. This is only a joke.

(Image from http://daylife.com/)